We are all alone.. Are we ??

The other day I was talking to a very good friend of mine when in context of the topic of discussion, the friend said “We are all alone, nothing is permanent, not friends, not anyone. We all eventually drift apart and die. The only person that is with you for life is you.” I didn't agree but at that moment all I could say was that this is not true and if one feels this way, this merely means that one has not yet found someone to fall back on and the day that person is found, one will change his/her opinion.

I don’t like philosophy; I don’t even like discussing it with anyone. But what my friend said prompted me to think about it; more so, even write about it. I don’t think about every jibber-jabber that goes through my ears; there is a lot that goes in throughout the day but I process only what I feel is worth processing. Now this friend of mine is very wise and way smarter than I am; whatever she says rings a bell in ears and keeps lingering for days, months and years to come; so naturally when there was a conflict, it was definitely worth giving a thought.

I thought about a concept or we may say - a feeling which has almost vanished, some may have not even heard of it and may shrug it off as something alien. Hint: it has name and is prefixed with the word “Unconditional”. Doesn’t ring a bell yet? Good news for you; you belong to the majority of people. I am talking about “Unconditional Love”, “Unconditional Support” and “Unconditional Friendship”. Yes, I do believe that there can be unconditional friendship, unconditional love, and unconditional support. I do believe that someone can selflessly and unconditionally be there with us/for us without expecting anything in return.

The answer to what my friend said revolves around it. If we have someone in our lives who is ready to lend us unconditional support, unconditional love and unconditional friendship then we will never be alone, it will be permanent and you will not be the only person with you for life. Yes, it is extremely difficult to find someone like this so it is on the verge of extension. But, there is one thing that has kept us sailing till now and that is hope; hope that one day we will find the one who will love us unconditionally, hope that one day we will find a friend who will be by our side and will lend us unconditional friendship and support.

So what can we do till the time we do not find such a person? Had I known the answer to that, I would have got a Nobel by now. We believe that we are strong enough to take on the world all alone but at times when we begin to dwindle, we do hope that we may have someone to fall back on. Even if we cannot reach out to that someone in person, just by knowing that he/she exists and got our backs, gives us strength to face the world. We may find companion/soul mate/friend in various forms. It may not necessarily be your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/parents/siblings. I remember how one of my friends mother was telling about her soul mate who was her girl-friend since their childhood which led me to believe that one may find a soul mate in friends as well; how one other friend of mine calls his hard-disks his companion, how another friend calls his dog his companion/soul mate.

Long story short- We are alone - until we find someone who is ready to give us unconditional love/support and friendship. Nothing is permanent – agreed; it all ends when you die but we have seen stories in the past where it did last a lifetime and I would call it permanent if it lasts a lifetime. We all eventually drift apart – there may be conflicts of interests but they can easily be resolved as well; law of magnetism doesn’t apply here; like minds do attract and can resolve the conflicts as well. We all die – this is the ultimate truth which cannot be used as an excuse to say that we are all alone and nothing is permanent. The only person that is with you for life is you – Strongly disagree; this is only till we don’t find the one who can be with us unconditionally.

Well I think this should be enough for the day; this is way more than I can take in a month. My head is already heavy by such heavy stuff and before it bursts open, I shall rather get myself a bar of snickers. Oh!! did I find something on which I can fall back on when in distress? I always knew chocolate is there for me "unconditionally" :)

When are you getting married?

The entire world seems to be asking me this question. Everyone just wants to know that why am I still single and when am I getting married. It was fine in the beginning but after a while, the repeated questions began to piss me off. I had absolutely no clue how to shut people off without being rude to them. So I thought of being creative. No, in order to get creative, I did not decide to get married.

My creative instincts told me that one way to stop people from pissing me off is to piss them off in return. I thought that if I will answer “Next Month” to all the questions pertaining to “Marriage”, people will get pissed off and will stop bothering me with such questions.

Finally the day came when I rolled out this strategy.

K: When are you getting married?

Me: Next month

K: Wow!! You didn’t tell me anything about it. So what is the date?

Me: That will be decided next month only.

K: Huh!! Where is the wedding?

Me: That will able be finalized next month only.

K: What!! Ok, at-least tell me who is the girl?

Me: You know what!! That will also be finalized next month only.

K: Stop pissing me off and tell me properly.

Me: I am telling you properly. What else do you want to know?

K: Fuck off.

Me: With pleasure.

This worked wonders for me. People actually stopped asking me such questions knowing very well what my answer would be and thus my life became a bit simpler. But in due course of time, I got bored with the same reply to different sets of people. So, I decided to take it to the next level.

K: When are you getting married?

Me: Well there are 2 answers to this question. Both of which are actually not true. So, which one would you like to know?

K: Interesting. I would like to hear the 1^st one.

Me: Parents are looking for a good girl. I will marry when they will find one.

K: And what is the 2^nd one?

Me: I am looking for a good girl. I will marry when I will find one.

K: So this means you and your parents are looking for the same type of girl – a good girl.

Me: Nope. We both are looking for a different type of girl. Definition of a “good girl” is different for both of us.

K: Care to explain?

Me: Well you can imagine the qualities of a “good girl” that my parents are looking for. It’s the same with all the parents, nothing new in it. However, my definition of a “good girl” is a bit different. For me a good girl is the one who comes to my flat at night and without saying a word, leaves in the morning.

K: Wdf?

Me: Yeah. How can I live with one-gina my entire life?? So I am looking for my kind of “good girl”.

K: You are sick.

Me: Why? Because I said that I cannot live with one-gina my entire life.

K: Do I need to explain that to you; you moron, you filthy womanizer, you bahenchod.

Me: Damn you hypocrites. You can pay thousands of bucks to Russell Peters to watch him crack this joke and can give him a standing ovation for this one but when I crack the same one for free; I become a moron and a womanizer?

K: Duh!! Ok ok ok!! So you said both of these are not true. So what is the true reason for you being single and not getting married?

Me: Sorry, I cannot tell you that. If I will tell you, I will have to kill you. You don’t want to die. Do you?

K: You have a sick sense of humor.

Me: I would like to believe that I have a sarcastic sense of humor

K: Bhak Bahenchod!!!!!!!

God and Karma !!

I have met many people who do not believe in God but believe in Karma. So my question is that if there is no God then who determines our karma? Who keeps a track of all our good and bad deeds and gives us it's fruit accordingly? If not for God then who brings on the karma upon us? 

Yeh Dil....

I bow to those who can write poetry with such an ease. This is because I had once made a vain attempt at poetry and I know how difficult, nearly impossible it is for me to write one. Now L wrote one and wanted me to share it in this place. And I happily obliged him (obviously in exchange of a favor. Yeah I know I am an opportunist). 
So here it goes....

Itna kuch toh hai iske paas,

Phir bhi udaas kyon rehta hai yeh dil.

Koi toh hai jo nahi hai is dil ke paas,

Kyon har waqt usko dhoondta rehta hai yeh dil.

Kaha chupa hai woh, kyon nahi aata saamne woh mere,

Bas yahi sawaal khud se poochta rehta hai yeh dil.

Kehte hai is jahan mean har kissi ke liye koi hai,

Lekin phir bhi kyon is baat ko manne se darta hai yeh dil.

Itni bheed mein bhi kyon itna tanha hai yeh dil

Kyon har waqt akele-pan se ghut raha hai yeh dil.

Humesha bura hota hai iske saath,
Lekin kabhi kissi ka bura karne ki chahat nahi rakhta hai yeh dil.

Duniya kehti hai ki yeah ek accha insaan hai,

Phir kyon khud ko bura banane ki chahat rakhta hai yeh dil.

Ek taraf toh sabse kehta hai ki pyaar bakwaas hai,

Phir kyon kissi se pyaar karne ko machalta hai yeh dil.

Kyon yeh dil poochta hai ki iske jeene ka maqsad kya hai,

Kyon iska koi jawaab dhoond nahi pata hai yeh dil.

Khud ke wajood ka thikana hai,

Kyon duniya ko badalne ki chahat rakhta hai yeh dil.

Jab dekhta hai yeh samaj ki buraiyon ko,

Aur jab kuch kar dikhana ka jazba uthta hai ismein,

Kyon tab kuch kar nahi paata hai yeh dil.

Duniya kehti hai ki yeh ek 10 saal ke bacche jitna naadan hai,

Aur ek 60 saal ke buddhe jitna gambheer aur zimmedaar hai,

Kyon nahi apni umar jitna soch paata hai yeh dil.

Waise hai bada majboot yeh, rakh sakta hai sabhi ka khyaal,

Phir kyon khud ka khyaal rakhne waale kissi ki chahat karta hai yeh dil.

Hairaan hai, pareshan hai, nadaan hai, kahin khoya hua hai,

Bas apne hone ka matlab dhoonda rehta hai yeh dil.

Yeh dil, yeh dil, yeh dil….

Bad vs. Good

I always knew that I am not good in reasoning or arguing with people. And if the person is high on Old Monk, it becomes almost impossible for me to argue or reason with him. One such incident happened with me recently. Now this friend of mine liked a girl, poured his heart out to her through a mail, started talking to her for hours and went to her city to meet her and finally screwed up and now is not even friends with her. The girl has cut him off from her life and doesn’t even want to be friends with him. He drank a full bottle of Old Monk and what happened next can be read below.

L: I want to become a bad man.

Me: Why, what will you achieve with it?

L: I will achieve true love, friendship and everything that I couldn’t achieve by being a nice guy.

Me: WDF!! How will you achieve that by being a bad person?

L: You #@%^$&$*. Let me explain it to you in detail.

Bad Person: He does whatever he wants to do. He can look straight into your eyes and can say lies in such a way that you will be totally convinced by him. He can make girls go weak on their knees by his lies and false promises and once the innocent girls fall for him, he can take full advantage of them, abuse them and in the end leave them. He has no self conscious, no self esteem and no guilt feeling. He does not feel or care about others, he does not care about how others would feel or how badly would others lives be affected by his actions. He just lives for himself, can indulge in all sorts of pleasure, can get high whenever he wants without caring about his health or other things as a matter of fact, can easily spoil other innocent souls and can make friends who can die for them. A bad person lives life king size. He fears nothing. He does not care if someone cuts him out of his life as he doesn’t value people and can always find a substitute. He does not live long, he will have a short life span of some 30-35 years but no matter how short his life is, he lives a complete and content life. Since he does not care about others, he never gets the need of crying for others, his eyes are never teary. He does not care about his family; does not care about earning or saving money, life a free life and eventually die. Even if his life span is short, his life isn’t. All through his life, he does everything he wants to do. His actions may be wrong in the eyes of other people but for him whatever he is doing is the only correct thing to do and what others are doing is wrong. Since he has no morals, no principles, no guilt factor, no responsibilities, no remorse of any sort, no feelings, he lives a burden free and happy life.

Good Person: He lives a miserable and pathetic life which lasts for some 65-70 years. All through his life he is worried about his family, slogs like a dog and saves money for his family and amongst all these things, he forgets his likes and dislikes and just lives for his parents, kids and wife. He has immense guilt factor and whenever he does something wrong or bad to someone, he feels sorry for it his entire life. He always craves for true love and friendship and if he does a couple of mistakes – which he is bound to do as he is a mere mortal and not God, no matter how sorry he feels about it, he ends up losing his friends. He has an immense self esteem and guilt feeling and regrets a lot if he knowingly/unknowingly harms someone. His eyes will be always teary on remembering the not-so-good things he had done to others, on remembering the mistakes he had done which made him lose his friends. All through his life he suffers a lot and when he becomes old, his health deteriorates, he worries about his kids and grand kids and if his wife passes away before him kicking the bucket, he is left all alone in the world. For him the pain becomes unbearable when he couldn’t get the girl he loves but since the girl is an awesome person, a genuine and a true friend, he wishes to be friends with her for the next 50 years of his life but ultimately ends up being cut off from her life as he had committed some mistakes due to which he does not remain worthy of being friends with her irrespective of the fact that he deeply regrets his actions. He is never given a second chance to prove himself and he is never remembered for the good things he has done to others but is always remembered for the one or two goof-ups which categorize him as an extremely cheap person.

L: Now you know why I want to be a bad person. But it’s too late to change myself now. So I have decided that in this life I will be a very nice and good person, will do good to others and when I will die, I will ask God that in return of all my good deeds grant me one wish and I will wish that in my next life I should be born as a very bad person. We all have to die so it’s better to be a bad person and live life king size and die at 35 rather than be a nice person and slog till 70 and die a miserable life.

I was left dumbstruck and got scared a bit because for a moment I actually started wondering whether all that he was saying might actually be true!!!! But then sanity prevailed and may be the next day when he will be sober, I will try to put some sense in his coconut.

Arranged Marriage!!!!

This is probably the first time when I have started hating facebook. Every one in 5 friends from my friend list are either married or are getting married and my wall is filled with status updates like “Engaged, in a relationship, married”.

Not so long ago I had written a post about Love Marriage where my entire clan wanted know whether I had a girl friend here in Bangalore and whether in future I will be going for a love marriage or an arranged marriage. That was the time when going by the experiences of my friends I had started believing that one should never fall into the trap of this so called “Love” because once you are in a relationship it will suck the blood out of you and your entire life will revolve around your girl and all you will think about is making her happy and doing things that makes her happy and in the process your own happiness will be lost somewhere in between these nonsensical things. Moreover such relation always comes in between friends and have the tendency to spoil the friendship. Once you are in a relationship, you will have no time left for friends, not even your very good friends. This has happened with so many people that I know and has happened recently with a very close friend of mine and in such cases it's always the friendship that goes for a toss. So basically I believe that Love Marriage sucks.

So this leaves me to the concept of an “Arranged Marriage”. I have never tried to explore this territory until now when certain factors led me to think about it in a great detail and that analysis told me that this concept of Arranged Marriage sucks in a bigger way than the Love Marriage.

To understand that last sentence we need to see how arranged marriages work in India. As we all are well aware of the 1000s of year’s of old tradition where the guys parents will select the girl and when they are satisfied with the girl, her family and her educational background etc, the guy will be shown the picture of the girl and one fine day in the presence of 100s of relatives he will get a chance to see the girl (Read - only see, not talk) and that time he will have to tell whether he is ready to marry the girl and within 2 hours he will get engaged to the girl. How silly could the process be? How can one decide to marry a girl in such a short duration?

Exactly the same had happened with a very close friend of mine. His parents’ chose a girl, showed him the picture of the girl and he got ready for the marriage. He said this is how it works and if parents are happy with the girl, why should I have an issue!! Are you kidding me !!

Now my point is how one can decide to spend his entire life with a stranger with who he has just met and not even spoken even a single word!! What if after engagement he finds out that his frequency doesn’t matches with that of the girl!! The idea of spending life with some stranger is scarier than the scariest of the movie ever made till date.

Again there are some stats present which demonstrates that out of all the arranged marriages ever done, less than 5% ends in divorce where as the number is much more in case of love marriages, but again how much can one trust the stats when we all know that stats are made on the spot in order to suite the situation.

Until now I have never thought about all this at all but now after giving it a thought I have started hating Arranged Marriage and I am not a big fan of Love Marriage either, so where does this leave me? Now one may wonder that why am I discussing such a thing now. So this is because in another year or two I would have to go through the same process that I have mentioned above and the very thought of it scares the shit out of me. Well I guess some things are best left unsaid.

Of love losses and more..

Summer vacations were over and the school had reopened after 2 months of holidays. He woke up early that morning, got ready, took out his bicycle from the garage and left for school. On reaching there he parked his bicycle in the stand and started walking towards the main building. He was a little early to school and the doors to the main building were yet to open so he had to wait in the reception for some time. It was then that he saw her. She was in her sports uniform which was a yellow shirt and navy blue skirt. It was not like he had never seen a girl before. He had studied in a coeducational institute his entire life so he was always surrounded by girls, yet it was something different with that girl. It was the love at first sight; or so he thought. Was he matured enough to understand the meaning of love? After all he was just in 9th standard. I don’t know whether it was his love or infatuation for the girl, neither do I think will I ever get to know this in future. After 10 minutes when the doors to the main building opened, she walked inside and he just followed her. He wanted to know her class and so he followed her till 7-C. Yes, she was in 7th standard and he was in 9th. She kept her bag in the class and went to the basket ball field. He was least interested in sports and was unaware of the fact that students who are in school sports team come early to practice, thus the reason for her being in sports uniform.

He didn’t feel like doing anything the entire day at school. Although he was physically present in 9-B, his mind kept wondering in 7-C. He was thinking about her the entire day. He started recalling the awful subjects he has studied in 7th standard and the equally awful teachers who taught those subjects. He felt sorry for her that she has to go through all the torture of studying those subjects and tolerating those miserable and pathetic teachers. Finally at 1:45pm the school bell rang thus marking the end of the day at school. Still thinking about her he went to the stands along with his other friends who stay close to his house and also come to school by their bicycles, took his bicycle from the stand and left for home along with his friends. This was a routine that his friends and he used to follow – coming back to home from school together on their respective bicycles. They used to ride in a group and enjoy the ride back home. It was so much fun, but that day he didn’t enjoy the ride at all. He mind was riding with someone else, not his friends.

Next day he made sure his parents woke him up early so that he can reach school before time and can see her. The same happened and he again saw her at the reception. After some time the doors opened and they both went to their respective classes. He followed the same routine for one full week. After a week he decided to find out more about her. He decided to follow her to her house after school. He was worried because he was on bicycle and he was not sure about her mode of commutation. After the last period got over, he ran and stood near her class. After a while she came out and he followed her. She went to the basket ball court and again practised for half hour. He was impressed by her hard work and dedication towards sports. I am still not sure why her dedication in sports impressed her because he doesn’t give a damn to sports. Was he in love? Finally her practise got over and she headed to the stands. On watching her crossing the swings and heading for the stands his heart started pounding heavily and he started praying to God. His prayers were answered and the next moment he saw her unlocking her bicycle and taking it out of the stands. Now was the time for some real action. He also took out his bicycle and started following her. After half hour of stalking her, he was standing outside her house and was in a state of shock and bewilderment. It was hard for him to believe that her house was just 2 kms from his house. He couldn’t believe his luck.

Now this was his new routine. Daily after school he would wait for her till she finishes her practise and would then follow her to her house. As few more days passed, he calculated her approximate arrival time at school and then he started leaving his home for school accordingly so that he can catch her on the way to school. Since he stopped coming back home with his friends, they got suspicious and finally one day he had to tell them about her. As expected, everyone made so much fun of him and he was embarrassed to the core but nothing could stop him from following her after school. Yes, he was in love.

Now you must be thinking that he was a brave guy and was in love and so would have definitely spoken to her after a few days/weeks/months!! Ok years at least!! Well then sorry to disappoint you. He could never summon up enough courage to talk to her, such a coward he was.

Two years passed and now he was in 11th standard and she was in 9th. On scoring good marks in his 10th board examinations, he got a bike from his dad. He was happy to get a new bike but was also worried that how would he now follow her because it would be very difficult to follow someone on a bicycle when you are riding a bike. With mixed feelings he entered the stands and while he was parking his bike he saw a brand new scooty entering the stands and then he had a look at the person riding it. He could not have asked for more. It was his girl on the scooty. I don’t remember if he was that happy ever again in his life. All his problems were solved in a second and now he can easily go after her on his bike because now even she was on scooty. And exactly this is what that happened, he continued following her on his bike. On the way to home, he would increase the speed of his bike and would overtake her and then would slow down and allow her to overtake him and then would again overtake her. By this time the girl was sure that something was wrong with this guy and whenever she sees him, she used to turn her face. This was highly demotivating for him and to make the matters worse, his friends who were pretty sure about him-being-in-love started teasing him with that girl which obviously didn’t go down well with him. But no matter what, he didn’t stop loving her. He was made the school prefect in 12th standard and just for the sake of show-off he volunteered for the lunch duty in her class and used to go there every day during lunch time and act like a boss of the class. Still a coward he was, he didn’t speak to her even a single time during those 4 years of his school.

Finally his 12th boards got over and it was time for him to leave the school. It was the day of the last assembly, which would be his last day at school. A night before that he wrote a 4 pages long love letter. The very next morning he went to temple and prayed to God for strength so that he can talk to her and give her the letter. He had finally decided that no matter what, today he is going to talk to her. He wrote the letter in his best handwriting, folded it neatly and kept it in his blazer’s inner pocket. He was happy, excited and scared; all at the same time. On reaching school, his eyes kept searching his girl but he couldn’t find her. She was nowhere to be seen. Finally the last assembly got over and he bid farewell to all his friends, his eyes still looking for her. He badly wanted to see her and talk to her. He cursed himself for not talking to her all these years and waiting for the last day to tell her his feelings. His 4 years flashed before his eyes, all the moments he had dreamed about her and had followed her to her house. It was all waste as he couldn’t see her anywhere and is losing his only change to talk to her. The school was almost empty now and he also finally decided to leave. He tore the letter and threw it in a dustbin. He couldn’t forgive himself the entire life for not talking to her earlier and waiting for the last moment.

He still tried to meet her after school but couldn’t succeed as she had started commuting in a car with her dad. He even tried to meet her outside her house and wasted many evenings loafing around her house only to realize that she had shifted to some other area far from his house. Later he also got busy with his studies so he had to stop looking for her. Last he heard about her, she got married soon after her schooling got over and now she is a mother of a kid and is well settled in Delhi.

After some time he joined college. He was very happy to finally join some decent college and immediately made many good friends in college. She was one such friend. It all started in the 1st year with text messages and before he could understand anything, he was in love with her. She was a cute South Indian girl from his class. They were very good friends during the 1st year of college, but due to some misunderstandings, had a fallout in the 2nd year and had not spoken to each other since then. He still adores her and calls her cutie and still maintains a separate folder in his desktop with her pictures stolen from her orkut and facebook account. Last he heard about her, her family is soon getting her married.

After completing his college, he started working in a company. When his training got over, he was moved to a project. There he noticed a girl in his wing, quite close to his cubicle. She would always dress up in a yellow/orange top which would suit her a lot. One fine day she came to office in a black saree. It was then he realized that girls could look pretty in a saree too. His friends told him that she is in saree because it’s a festival and she has kept fast for her husband for his good health. He refused to believe that she is married. After some time he found out that she is married and has a 1 year old son. Last he heard about her, she had shifted to US with her husband and son.

Few months later he again noticed a girl in his office cafeteria. She was a contractor from some other company. This time he decided that no matter what, he had to talk to her, and yes he did finally spoke to her. He befriended her only to find out that she got engaged 2 months ago and is all set to get married the very next month. She personally invited him to her marriage which he obviously didn’t attend. Last he heard about her, she had shifted to Singapore with her husband and is working in some company there.

Again he noticed a girl in his office lobby. She was slim, fair, long black hairs, blue eyes. The moment he saw her he fell in love with her. He started dreaming about her and was dying to talk to her. (Well people don’t get him wrong. He was not the kind of guy who could fall in love with every other girl he laid his eyes upon. Since he was in 8th standard, this was just the 5th time that he was in love). So through some series of misfortunate events, he did get a chance to talk to her. They were now friends or rather I should say acquaintances. His feelings for her kept on increasing and when they were at the peak, he found out that she was already married for 2 years. Now this meant that all was over for him. Taking lessons from last time’s fiasco, his friends had taught him how to differentiate between married women and an unmarried girl but this girl showed no signs of that of married women and so he failed to recognize her and fell for her. Last he heard about her, she was working in some company in Bangalore and was living happily with her husband.

Few years later, he met another girl. She was a blogger like him and had a flair for writing. He found her blog amazing and wanted to talk to her. He sent her a friend request on facebook without any hope of getting accepted. Lo and Behold, she accepted his friend request. But that was the end of the story at that point. He used to check out her pictures and posts but could never-even summon up the courage to talk to her. After years of waiting, he somehow managed to talk to her. They both started talking to each other on facebook, on watsapp, mails, phone calls, skype etc. He was totally into her and thought that he has finally found the chosen one. But it all got over in a month. Last he heard about her, she is happily married and is living with her husband.

He was a coward but not weak or vulnerable. All these love losses didn’t break him. He didn’t become a Devdas and got on to smoking or drinking or drugs. He was and is still strong and is waiting for his next (mis)adventure with girl(s).