Arranged Marriage!!!!

This is probably the first time when I have started hating facebook. Every one in 5 friends from my friend list are either married or are getting married and my wall is filled with status updates like “Engaged, in a relationship, married”.

Not so long ago I had written a post about Love Marriage where my entire clan wanted know whether I had a girl friend here in Bangalore and whether in future I will be going for a love marriage or an arranged marriage. That was the time when going by the experiences of my friends I had started believing that one should never fall into the trap of this so called “Love” because once you are in a relationship it will suck the blood out of you and your entire life will revolve around your girl and all you will think about is making her happy and doing things that makes her happy and in the process your own happiness will be lost somewhere in between these nonsensical things. Moreover such relation always comes in between friends and have the tendency to spoil the friendship. Once you are in a relationship, you will have no time left for friends, not even your very good friends. This has happened with so many people that I know and has happened recently with a very close friend of mine and in such cases it's always the friendship that goes for a toss. So basically I believe that Love Marriage sucks.

So this leaves me to the concept of an “Arranged Marriage”. I have never tried to explore this territory until now when certain factors led me to think about it in a great detail and that analysis told me that this concept of Arranged Marriage sucks in a bigger way than the Love Marriage.

To understand that last sentence we need to see how arranged marriages work in India. As we all are well aware of the 1000s of year’s of old tradition where the guys parents will select the girl and when they are satisfied with the girl, her family and her educational background etc, the guy will be shown the picture of the girl and one fine day in the presence of 100s of relatives he will get a chance to see the girl (Read - only see, not talk) and that time he will have to tell whether he is ready to marry the girl and within 2 hours he will get engaged to the girl. How silly could the process be? How can one decide to marry a girl in such a short duration?

Exactly the same had happened with a very close friend of mine. His parents’ chose a girl, showed him the picture of the girl and he got ready for the marriage. He said this is how it works and if parents are happy with the girl, why should I have an issue!! Are you kidding me !!

Now my point is how one can decide to spend his entire life with a stranger with who he has just met and not even spoken even a single word!! What if after engagement he finds out that his frequency doesn’t matches with that of the girl!! The idea of spending life with some stranger is scarier than the scariest of the movie ever made till date.

Again there are some stats present which demonstrates that out of all the arranged marriages ever done, less than 5% ends in divorce where as the number is much more in case of love marriages, but again how much can one trust the stats when we all know that stats are made on the spot in order to suite the situation.

Until now I have never thought about all this at all but now after giving it a thought I have started hating Arranged Marriage and I am not a big fan of Love Marriage either, so where does this leave me? Now one may wonder that why am I discussing such a thing now. So this is because in another year or two I would have to go through the same process that I have mentioned above and the very thought of it scares the shit out of me. Well I guess some things are best left unsaid.

Of love losses and more..

Summer vacations were over and the school had reopened after 2 months of holidays. He woke up early that morning, got ready, took out his bicycle from the garage and left for school. On reaching there he parked his bicycle in the stand and started walking towards the main building. He was a little early to school and the doors to the main building were yet to open so he had to wait in the reception for some time. It was then that he saw her. She was in her sports uniform which was a yellow shirt and navy blue skirt. It was not like he had never seen a girl before. He had studied in a coeducational institute his entire life so he was always surrounded by girls, yet it was something different with that girl. It was the love at first sight; or so he thought. Was he matured enough to understand the meaning of love? After all he was just in 9th standard. I don’t know whether it was his love or infatuation for the girl, neither do I think will I ever get to know this in future. After 10 minutes when the doors to the main building opened, she walked inside and he just followed her. He wanted to know her class and so he followed her till 7-C. Yes, she was in 7th standard and he was in 9th. She kept her bag in the class and went to the basket ball field. He was least interested in sports and was unaware of the fact that students who are in school sports team come early to practice, thus the reason for her being in sports uniform.

He didn’t feel like doing anything the entire day at school. Although he was physically present in 9-B, his mind kept wondering in 7-C. He was thinking about her the entire day. He started recalling the awful subjects he has studied in 7th standard and the equally awful teachers who taught those subjects. He felt sorry for her that she has to go through all the torture of studying those subjects and tolerating those miserable and pathetic teachers. Finally at 1:45pm the school bell rang thus marking the end of the day at school. Still thinking about her he went to the stands along with his other friends who stay close to his house and also come to school by their bicycles, took his bicycle from the stand and left for home along with his friends. This was a routine that his friends and he used to follow – coming back to home from school together on their respective bicycles. They used to ride in a group and enjoy the ride back home. It was so much fun, but that day he didn’t enjoy the ride at all. He mind was riding with someone else, not his friends.

Next day he made sure his parents woke him up early so that he can reach school before time and can see her. The same happened and he again saw her at the reception. After some time the doors opened and they both went to their respective classes. He followed the same routine for one full week. After a week he decided to find out more about her. He decided to follow her to her house after school. He was worried because he was on bicycle and he was not sure about her mode of commutation. After the last period got over, he ran and stood near her class. After a while she came out and he followed her. She went to the basket ball court and again practised for half hour. He was impressed by her hard work and dedication towards sports. I am still not sure why her dedication in sports impressed her because he doesn’t give a damn to sports. Was he in love? Finally her practise got over and she headed to the stands. On watching her crossing the swings and heading for the stands his heart started pounding heavily and he started praying to God. His prayers were answered and the next moment he saw her unlocking her bicycle and taking it out of the stands. Now was the time for some real action. He also took out his bicycle and started following her. After half hour of stalking her, he was standing outside her house and was in a state of shock and bewilderment. It was hard for him to believe that her house was just 2 kms from his house. He couldn’t believe his luck.

Now this was his new routine. Daily after school he would wait for her till she finishes her practise and would then follow her to her house. As few more days passed, he calculated her approximate arrival time at school and then he started leaving his home for school accordingly so that he can catch her on the way to school. Since he stopped coming back home with his friends, they got suspicious and finally one day he had to tell them about her. As expected, everyone made so much fun of him and he was embarrassed to the core but nothing could stop him from following her after school. Yes, he was in love.

Now you must be thinking that he was a brave guy and was in love and so would have definitely spoken to her after a few days/weeks/months!! Ok years at least!! Well then sorry to disappoint you. He could never summon up enough courage to talk to her, such a coward he was.

Two years passed and now he was in 11th standard and she was in 9th. On scoring good marks in his 10th board examinations, he got a bike from his dad. He was happy to get a new bike but was also worried that how would he now follow her because it would be very difficult to follow someone on a bicycle when you are riding a bike. With mixed feelings he entered the stands and while he was parking his bike he saw a brand new scooty entering the stands and then he had a look at the person riding it. He could not have asked for more. It was his girl on the scooty. I don’t remember if he was that happy ever again in his life. All his problems were solved in a second and now he can easily go after her on his bike because now even she was on scooty. And exactly this is what that happened, he continued following her on his bike. On the way to home, he would increase the speed of his bike and would overtake her and then would slow down and allow her to overtake him and then would again overtake her. By this time the girl was sure that something was wrong with this guy and whenever she sees him, she used to turn her face. This was highly demotivating for him and to make the matters worse, his friends who were pretty sure about him-being-in-love started teasing him with that girl which obviously didn’t go down well with him. But no matter what, he didn’t stop loving her. He was made the school prefect in 12th standard and just for the sake of show-off he volunteered for the lunch duty in her class and used to go there every day during lunch time and act like a boss of the class. Still a coward he was, he didn’t speak to her even a single time during those 4 years of his school.

Finally his 12th boards got over and it was time for him to leave the school. It was the day of the last assembly, which would be his last day at school. A night before that he wrote a 4 pages long love letter. The very next morning he went to temple and prayed to God for strength so that he can talk to her and give her the letter. He had finally decided that no matter what, today he is going to talk to her. He wrote the letter in his best handwriting, folded it neatly and kept it in his blazer’s inner pocket. He was happy, excited and scared; all at the same time. On reaching school, his eyes kept searching his girl but he couldn’t find her. She was nowhere to be seen. Finally the last assembly got over and he bid farewell to all his friends, his eyes still looking for her. He badly wanted to see her and talk to her. He cursed himself for not talking to her all these years and waiting for the last day to tell her his feelings. His 4 years flashed before his eyes, all the moments he had dreamed about her and had followed her to her house. It was all waste as he couldn’t see her anywhere and is losing his only change to talk to her. The school was almost empty now and he also finally decided to leave. He tore the letter and threw it in a dustbin. He couldn’t forgive himself the entire life for not talking to her earlier and waiting for the last moment.

He still tried to meet her after school but couldn’t succeed as she had started commuting in a car with her dad. He even tried to meet her outside her house and wasted many evenings loafing around her house only to realize that she had shifted to some other area far from his house. Later he also got busy with his studies so he had to stop looking for her. Last he heard about her, she got married soon after her schooling got over and now she is a mother of a kid and is well settled in Delhi.

After some time he joined college. He was very happy to finally join some decent college and immediately made many good friends in college. She was one such friend. It all started in the 1st year with text messages and before he could understand anything, he was in love with her. She was a cute South Indian girl from his class. They were very good friends during the 1st year of college, but due to some misunderstandings, had a fallout in the 2nd year and had not spoken to each other since then. He still adores her and calls her cutie and still maintains a separate folder in his desktop with her pictures stolen from her orkut and facebook account. Last he heard about her, her family is soon getting her married.

After completing his college, he started working in a company. When his training got over, he was moved to a project. There he noticed a girl in his wing, quite close to his cubicle. She would always dress up in a yellow/orange top which would suit her a lot. One fine day she came to office in a black saree. It was then he realized that girls could look pretty in a saree too. His friends told him that she is in saree because it’s a festival and she has kept fast for her husband for his good health. He refused to believe that she is married. After some time he found out that she is married and has a 1 year old son. Last he heard about her, she had shifted to US with her husband and son.

Few months later he again noticed a girl in his office cafeteria. She was a contractor from some other company. This time he decided that no matter what, he had to talk to her, and yes he did finally spoke to her. He befriended her only to find out that she got engaged 2 months ago and is all set to get married the very next month. She personally invited him to her marriage which he obviously didn’t attend. Last he heard about her, she had shifted to Singapore with her husband and is working in some company there.

Again he noticed a girl in his office lobby. She was slim, fair, long black hairs, blue eyes. The moment he saw her he fell in love with her. He started dreaming about her and was dying to talk to her. (Well people don’t get him wrong. He was not the kind of guy who could fall in love with every other girl he laid his eyes upon. Since he was in 8th standard, this was just the 5th time that he was in love). So through some series of misfortunate events, he did get a chance to talk to her. They were now friends or rather I should say acquaintances. His feelings for her kept on increasing and when they were at the peak, he found out that she was already married for 2 years. Now this meant that all was over for him. Taking lessons from last time’s fiasco, his friends had taught him how to differentiate between married women and an unmarried girl but this girl showed no signs of that of married women and so he failed to recognize her and fell for her. Last he heard about her, she was working in some company in Bangalore and was living happily with her husband.

Few years later, he met another girl. She was a blogger like him and had a flair for writing. He found her blog amazing and wanted to talk to her. He sent her a friend request on facebook without any hope of getting accepted. Lo and Behold, she accepted his friend request. But that was the end of the story at that point. He used to check out her pictures and posts but could never-even summon up the courage to talk to her. After years of waiting, he somehow managed to talk to her. They both started talking to each other on facebook, on watsapp, mails, phone calls, skype etc. He was totally into her and thought that he has finally found the chosen one. But it all got over in a month. Last he heard about her, she is happily married and is living with her husband.

He was a coward but not weak or vulnerable. All these love losses didn’t break him. He didn’t become a Devdas and got on to smoking or drinking or drugs. He was and is still strong and is waiting for his next (mis)adventure with girl(s).

Worse than dead..

So are you happy now?

Well you should be happy. You did whatever you wanted to do, no matter how cowardly it is.

Please stop it.

Yeah this is what you have been doing all this time. Making me shut up, but today I won’t shut my mouth. Also now you are no more capable enough to make me shut my mouth. So why did you do it?

You know why I did it.

Yes, but I want it to hear from you.

Please stop torturing me.

Are you aware of the circumstances of what you have done?

I never thought this would happen. I thought everything would be over soon. I had never though in the wildest of my dreams that I would land up here. This is scariest thing ever happened to me.

Well you never know what is there in store for you. I feel you deserve this.

Please stop it.

Nope, today I will not stop. You have to talk to me. You have been escaping from me your entire life but today you have closed all the doors for yourself. There is no escape now.

Ok. What do you want to know?

I have lots of questions but to start with, I want to know why did you do it?

As you know, she dumped me and I am out of my job. I have to support my parents and also a nubile sister. I was just not able to cope up with the pressure.

Bravo. So this is why you did it!! I am proud of you.

You always knew I am going to do this. I have been thinking about this from quite some time.

I thought you had dropped this idea the day your sister made you promise that you would never-ever do this in your life, not even think about it. You didn’t think about her also? Well you did not give a damn to your parents, forget sister.

So do you mean to say that I don’t care about my parents and sister?

Someone insane can also tell that you don’t care about anyone, but yourself. You are a sick, mean and selfish bastard. Didn’t you see how inconsolable your parents and sister were?

What is done is done. I guess I will have to live like this my entire life. Now I am not even capable of doing it again.

Yes, now you can do nothing but to wait for some miracle to happen. Didn’t you hear those doctors discussing amongst themselves? They said only a miracle can cure your paralysis. Earlier you were capable of doing lots of things but a coward you are, you lost all the hope in life and slit your wrist with a blade. Were you thinking that this would cure all you problems? Now look at yourself. Due to the excessive bleeding you had a stroke and your whole body had been paralyzed. You cannot even move a finger, not even talk to anyone. The only thing you can do is to talk with me – the other half of your brain who had always tried to tell you that it’s never too late for anything and you can still do and get whatever you want but you had never listened to me. I had always believed in you, always thought you can achieve something in life. But now you are not left with any other option. Now even I have lost all hope in you. Now you are worse than dead.